Be Fascinating and Stay Authentic: The "Identity Storytelling" Technique

Every great seducer is a storyteller in some fashion – they use stories to express identity and take people on emotional journeys.

So, what is identity? Why’s that important?

There are countless philosophers who’ve written about identity and all the ways to interpret it.

For our purposes, let’s think of it like this: Everything you say or do in tells the person or people you’re interacting with something about you – what you wear, how you look, and what you say – all of it matters.

It’s like handing each person you meet puzzle pieces that they put together in their heads. The end result is a picture of who they individually think you are. In other words, they make judgments based on the pieces you give them and then they categorize you. Each category comes with its own judgments based on that person’s experiences.

Every person takes these shortcuts. The human brain is programmed to categorize new information; to make judgments so it can understand the world quickly. Your brain does it too. If it didn’t do that, you’d experience complete and utter chaos, every single day.

Here’s something almost every guy does wrong: When an average man meets a new woman he is just tossing puzzle pieces to her without really understanding the total puzzle picture she is drawing of him. This can be disastrous.

As a master of attraction and seduction, you want to get some level of control over those pieces. You’re looking to give women the pieces that will be most attractive to them, and then share the identity you want them to see. That’s where Identity Storytelling comes in.

“Identity Storytelling” is a technique in which you share your own authentic insights, experiences, opinions and learning in an emotional way that makes you interesting, intriguing and entertaining.

You might think, “But I’m not interesting and I don’t have many interesting things to say.”

Wrong!

Even someone who has never experienced anything exciting can still have insights and wisdom about life. Let me explain:

Identity stories can be about anything: Your hobbies, the places you’ve visited, events in your life, your job, your friends, your preferences, your goals – anything.

One of my favorite examples about the effect of Identity Storytelling came from a student I had a few years ago. He was meeting up with me to get some advice on meeting women. The conversation went on for a while and I decided to share “Identity Storytelling” with him – which, at the time, I’d never taught before. A year later, I bumped into him again at one of Neil’s events and asked him how everything was going. He told me, “That Identity Storytelling thing worked pretty well.”

“Oh yeah? Tell me about it,” I prompted.

“Well, I ended up using it at work. The company I was working for was trying to hire this one particular business. I told a story about what the company I wanted them to work with meant to me. And by the end of the meeting, we’d made a deal to go with them. That decision made the company about four million dollars. So, thanks for your advice.”

The Identity Storytelling Exercise:

Here is a three-step exercise called “Identity Storytelling” that will help you learn to express your identity, while simultaneously learning basic storytelling structure.

Three Steps to telling an identity story:

1. Start at the beginning: Think about a topic that you’ll want to talk about, what you’re going to say, and practice by introducing your stories with a feeling and an experience or preference. Here are some examples:

• • “The most exciting adventure I ever went on was…”
  • “My favorite band is…”
  • “The most influential person I ever met was…”
  • “My favorite bar to visit is…
  • “The movie I love the most is…”

2. Lead their emotions when telling the story: Here’s the only thing you need to remember about Identity storytelling:

Don’t talk about your story technically, talk about it as an experience and include the emotions it evoked.

Let’s assume you like the band Metallica. Don’t say to a woman, “My favorite band is Metallica because I love the lyrics and I think the guitarist is awesome.”

Why is this bad?

Because it doesn’t explore your identity or create an emotional response.

In this example, I’m selling you the band and not myself. By reading it you learn very little about me. In seduction, you’re selling yourself. In Identity Storytelling you are expressing your identity with every word and action.

Instead, say something like this, “My favorite band is Metallica because listening to them inspired me to pick up the guitar and start playing.”

In this example, the band inspired you to do something. The woman learns at least two things about you:

• • You play guitar
  • You were inspired by Metallica.

3. End the story: You need to make sure every story you tell has an end because all good stories do. An end gives the woman you are talking to the feeling like it’s her turn to speak and promotes conversation. Practice ending your stories similarly to the way you started them.

• • “…And that was the most exciting adventure I’d ever gone on.”
  • “…And that’s why they’re my favorite band.”
  • “…And that’s what made [person] so influential to me.”
  • “…And that’s why [name of venue] is my favorite bar.”
  • “…And that’s why I was so moved by the …”

That’s the basic concept. Also, just to be clear: Identity stories should never come off as boasting, and should not be fictional. In other words, don’t lie; live life and tell your real stories.

Here’s a check-list of storytelling steps:

1. State what you’re talking about when you start your story.
2. Tell a story by leading their emotions.
3. End the story definitively.

Lessons in Action: Identity Storytelling

“You’re so passionate!” She stood between my legs as I sat in one of the few open bar stools. She subtly rubbed her dancer’s body against my inner thighs as she continued, “I’ve lived out here for two months, and you’re the first person I’ve met who actually cares about other people, who actually want to have a conversation about something other than sports…”

I focused on her dark brown eyes as she spoke. Her face framed by her ringlets of dark curls. The words continued flowing from her red lips, but my focus wavered slightly as I realized what I had accomplished:

I had attracted the woman, who – from my perspective – was the most beautiful woman in the bar.

“You just seem like a really cool person,” she said.
“You’re different,” she said.
What made me so different?
“I’m not different,” I replied. “I’m the exception.”
************************************
I showed up at the venue with a few friends. The bar was packed full of attractive women, and men (who I could only assume) weren’t very skilled at seduction. I had the upper hand.

I took my time with approaches and focused on keeping my friends entertained. I bought the birthday boy a drink and shared stories while I took note of the interesting people in the bar.

That’s when I saw her.

She was surrounded by five guys. The guys all seemed to be drunk. I walked over and opened one of the drunk guys by asking if he’d seen the game earlier. He started telling me a story about how he and his four buddies had not only seen the game – they’d been at the game.

“Oh, that’s awesome! I wish I could have been there! I’m jealous,” I said. “So how do you all know each other?”

I find out that the lady I’m interested in is on a date with Alex, one of the buddies. Their body language tells me that it’s a first date, or at least, that they aren’t very comfortable with each other yet physically.

Conversation with her friends continues, and naturally, she joins. She tells me that she recently moved to the Bay Area from New York.

I start telling an identity story about the Bay Area to the group. Surprisingly, I’m able to hold all of their attention – large groups can be tough. We all talk and joke around for a while and I can sense that the woman I’m interested in is getting drawn into me. There are signs that she wants to talk to me, but she’s shy.

“You guys should come meet some of my friends.” I motion towards my crew. 

“We’re out celebrating my roommate’s birthday.”

“Maybe we’ll catch up with you later,” said Alex. I believe Alex had begun to feel threatened by me. However, when I left the group, two of the other guys came with me.

I introduced her group of friends to mine. She came along and joined the group. 

At this point, I was sure she wanted me to say something to her. So, I did.

“I love this gold lace in your dress pattern.” I touched her dress material and nodded approvingly. “It works well with the gold jewelry.”

“Thank you!” she said. “I’m trying to step up my wardrobe.” She reaches over to a pin on my lapel. “Is that a lion?”

“Of course,” I said, then I went into an Identity Story about leadership and how I think it’s important to convey a sense of self with your style, which she said she found fascinating. It opened up endless conversational threads.

As we spoke I noticed an open bar stool, so I continued talking to her while leading her to the stool. I sat down with open body language. As I talked, she pressed herself between my legs.

At this point, I started seeding like crazy. I told Identity Stories and seeded until she couldn’t take it anymore. She could not withstand the “Stringer Seeding Frenzy.” She pulled out her phone and number closed me.

Note: More on seeding in the chapter – Seeding: The most efficient way to get a date

Alex, the guy she was on a date with, entered our intimate set and tried to pull her away. He was drunk and sadly attempted the old Hail Mary play to pull her home. He said: “I’m going to get out of here. Did you still want to come back and hang out for a while?”

To which she replied, “No thanks. I think I’m going to stay out a little bit longer. Have a great night and get home safe.”

Alex exited, dejected and wondering what the hell happened. She was going to go home with him until I arrived.

I continued to talk to her about her passions and goals for a long time. It started getting pretty late, and my friends told me that they were going to leave.

After she closed out, I lead her out of the venue by the hand. While walking, I caressed her hand with my thumb and she reciprocated. When we got to her car, we made out for a while. I cut it off and told her that she’d better go. We agreed to see each other on Tuesday. She drove off.

When I woke up the next morning, I had already received a text from her saying that she can’t wait to hang out soon.

Be the exception.