From Awkward Nerd To Confident Dating Coach: An Inspirational Interview

Tryst.dating: So, I’m here with The Sneak who’s a coach for Tryst.dating and was originally a student at Tryst.dating. I wanted to start by just asking you where you come from and what your background is? Tell me a little bit about yourself.

The Sneak: Well, I was a very nerdy kid growing up. I think I always had a good heart but I was very misunderstood. I could be quite stubborn and ultimately repellent towards people that I would have wanted to attract. That caused a lot of frustration in my childhood. I really did want to be closer to people, but I just couldn’t figure out how to be closer to people. That continued throughout my high school years and into college, up until the point that I discovered Tryst.dating.

Tryst.dating: What happened when you discovered that it was possible to learn the art of attraction and seduction?

The Sneak: I was excited. I was really excited just to do something like try out an opener and talk to people. For me, that was amazing, the fact that I could go up to a group of people that I didn’t know and suddenly be in a conversation with them. I thought that that was already life-changing for me personally and I didn’t grow tired of doing it. I just loved to go out all the time and just talk to new people at that point in my life.

Tryst.dating: What did you find to be the hardest thing about learning to talk to women, just to start conversations?

The Sneak: I didn’t think it was very hard, actually, I thought that it was a relatively easy step. You obviously have to defeat your own anxiety of walking up to a woman or a group of people and I’m not going to pretend that wasn’t something that I struggled with for a little while. Overall, once you see that it works, you actually give it a shot and you try it out and you realize that “Wow, that actually worked, these people are talking to me.” It starts to become easier each time. Your confidence in yourself and in the material is building so the anxiety lessens. That was probably the hardest thing that I had to deal with but I got past it pretty quick. Ultimately, it was actually an easy step for me.

Tryst.dating: What was the hardest lesson for you to learn?

The Sneak: Active disinterest, also referred to as disqualification, is still the hardest thing for me to understand. I understand it now intellectually after having studied this material for as long as I have, but executing it is something that continues to require practice and every now and then I get it right. When I do, I’m really excited.

Tryst.dating: What was difficult about it? What made it so hard to learn, compared to the other material?

The Sneak: One of the first things that make it harder to learn, is that there’s a certain timing that’s crucial in practicing it. That timing is not necessarily “right away”. For example, learning an opener, you do that first. So I can always go out and practice an opener. But, as you get into things that happen later on, like active disinterest, generally you want the people to be already talking to you, and in a good conversation, before you start doing something like that. Even just getting to it can be tough. Then once you’re getting into it, it requires you to take risks a little bit more, and try on a new behavior a little bit more than some of the other steps. Being comfortable in accessing a different part of yourself and expressing a different part of yourself that you’re not used to expressing that’s very different from what you’ve done in the past, makes it a challenging step to learn.

Tryst.dating: As a coach what are three revelations you want to share with a student who wants to learn the art of attraction and seduction?

The Sneak: The first lesson that I would want them to think about is the principle, “Be the Exception”. You want to stand out in a positive way. Everything can be traced back to that. Whenever you think about a specific technique that you’re learning, it should always be able to point back to that particular principle and it always does. Having done it long enough, things really do come back to that. So, I want them to consider what that means to them, to be the exception, and to really put that in their brain as something that they should always be able to come back to and make sure that they’re doing the right things.

The second point would be that it’s going to be a journey; not something that happens overnight. They should have consistency in their practice throughout their journey. They shouldn’t think of it as a sprint, but more of a marathon or a life-long running across the globe at a pace that you can keep up with. I don’t think that they should view it as something that they’re going to go out and practice 50 times and then never practice again, or something like that. I’d rather they say I’m going to practice twice a week for 25 weeks and then continue practicing twice a week for 25 more weeks. That would be a better way to go about it.

The third tip would be to not just intellectually understand the idea of pushing themselves and trying on new behaviors and ideas and ways of being that they’re not used to, but going beyond an intellectual understanding of that and actually exploring what that means. You can talk to a student for a long time about change, and he can nod his head and smile and completely believe that he’s along for the journey. But then suggest that he tries to wear a different shirt and he might freak out and say, “No, I won’t try that new shirt on.” That’s where the truth comes out. If you’re a new student coming into this, don’t trick yourself and be nodding your head yes, unless you’re actually also doing it and saying, “Yes, I’m going to go out and try this thing on,” whether it be a shirt, or an opener or a disqualifier, whatever it is, actually give it a shot and see how it feels. If it makes you uncomfortable, you still have to keep exploring it until you understand what’s happening.

Tryst.dating: What pitfalls do you think a student will run into? Like common pitfalls.

The Sneak: The most common pitfall that stops guys is usually laziness, which goes back to having to practice on a consistent basis. You have to find a way to make it part of your life and something you enjoy doing consistently. Stubbornness and not willing to try out new things is another one. The idea that you already know lots of stuff can get in your way.

The Pseudo-Experts, some guys, they already feel like they have all the answers because they have studied all the material. But then they are asking questions anyway. That inhibits their growth. If you’re here asking questions, somewhere deep down, you must know you don’t have all the answers. So don’t fall into the trap of suddenly feeling like you already know it all. Accept the basic idea that it’s going to be a journey and you’re going to be making all kinds of discoveries forever.

I’m still learning all the time within this art form. I’ve been doing it for a long time, but I can honestly say I’m still growing and I should still be growing. I think that that’s correct. I don’t think that that’s me like, “Why is it taking him so long to have learned everything?” There’s always more you can learn. When you start to feel like you know it all, you’re probably in trouble.

Tryst.dating: What was your study like when you were beginning to study the art of attraction and seduction? What would you suggest for new students coming into it for practice?

The Sneak: My study was going out at least 4 times a week, for at least 3 hours a night, for my first month. I read this in some old community book, it was called The Newbie Drill. The truth is, I really enjoyed it. As I said, when I was running the openers, the fact that I was meeting new groups of people and they were just having a conversation blew my mind. It was really exciting for me, considering I came from a place where I struggled to connect with people. It was miraculous. I loved it. I would go out sometimes five nights a week, six nights a week, seven nights a week. It got to a point where it probably wasn’t healthy. I was doing a worse job at my work as a stand-up comedian. The other things that I was exploring at the time were suffering because my life became out of balance because I was so excited. I don’t think that someone has to do that in their practice to succeed. As a matter of fact, I pulled back from that. When I pulled back, I actually got better at communicating with people. I still enjoyed those times when I was going out all the time, but when I went back to doing it, say 4 times a week and no more, my skills actually grew.

So I do think that there’s a sweet spot somewhere around 4 times per week, however, that’s a lot for a lot of people and I don’t think that it’s completely necessary. If you can dedicate yourself to say, going out 2 times a week for 3 hours a night and practicing consistently for a couple of months like that, I think that’s fantastic. The bare minimum that I would recommend would be going out one night a week. That’s just if your life is really crazy busy right now but you’re interested in this and you’re planning on practicing even more at some point. But right now, you’re just trying to groove into it, my minimum for you would be once a week, 3 hours a night, and make sure you approach at least 4 groups of people while you’re out there, to consider it a true night of practice. Unless, of course, you meet somebody in the first, second, or third approach that’s so incredible that you end up spending the rest of the night with them. In which case, a fantastic night of practice and a fantastic night of your life.

Tryst.dating: Has the art of seduction benefited other areas of your life besides romantic interests?

The Sneak: I’ve used it to make great groups of friends and an extensive social circle. Eventually, I’ve become a member of a band through my social connections with people. So it affects my creative life tremendously. Within the context of being in a band, if there’s a joke that I think is funny that I want the other two guys to think it’s funny, I’ve used techniques that I’ve learned socially to get them excited about the joke that I want to get on stage. Honestly, the education runs through all my interactions.

I think that it’s inseparable from me at this point. On some level, I’m probably thinking about the way that I’m communicating with someone. On some level, I’m probably always trying to be a bit more seductive than the average human being, just because I spent so long thinking about it. I get to manifest things into the universe that I want to manifest. So it affects all areas of my life and even probably all interactions of my life.

Tryst.dating: Great. Thanks for hanging out.

Tryst.dating: How long did it take you to set up a date with a woman?

The Sneak: For a couple of months, I just practiced starting comfortable conversations with people. A few more months went by as I worked on generating attraction, conveying interest, and closing.

The first real dates started rolling in around the half-year mark. That was a very big deal for me. Previously, my dating life was pretty much non-existent. Now, I was having all kinds of crazy adventures.

Tryst.dating: Can you tell me about one of those crazy adventures?

The Sneak: I’d been practicing in Manhattan. The bars had all closed, so I was riding the L train back to my place in Brooklyn. Sitting at the end of the train was a girl who looked like she had jumped off the pages of a magazine. Nobody looks that cool in real life. She was with one other girl, so I thought…

What I didn’t know was that the eight, very tough looking guys sitting nearby were also their friends. To everyone else, I looked far braver than I actually was. What I did know was time was very limited.

Having practiced on the subway before, I had a little routine to find out what stop they were and then I had to use every one of those moments as efficiently as possible. We hit it off really well and ended up having a whirlwind romance of sorts.

She was truly one of the great loves of my life. Never in a million years did I dream that I’d meet a girl like that while riding on the NYC Subway, It’s pretty cool when life exceeds your dreams.