How to Get Her Number, Set Up a Date and Beyond

Over the years I’ve met a lot of men, but very few of them were able to walk into a bar and approach the women they were interested in. These exceptional men were fun to be around and got a lot of numbers from very attractive women. However, a few days later when they called or texted those women, they didn’t respond or the dates would inevitably fall through. Which meant almost no man could date the women they actually wanted to date.

Interestingly, almost all men were able to set up meetings in their jobs with people in any industry, and those meetings always happened and the dates never flaked.

Why? What is the difference between the two meetings? And is there an effective and proven way to set up a date with a woman that she is looking forward to and would never flake on?

When I started to learn about attraction and seduction, I was curious and determined to find a method that works. So, I searched high and low for strategies for closing meetings, getting phone numbers and setting up dates. I must have tried a dozen or so, with varying amounts of success.

The answer finally came when I moved out to Los Angeles. I was living with Neil Strauss for a few months, and while I was there he taught me a technique called, “Seeding a Date.” No joke – seeding was the answer to how to set up a date. I’ve been using it (and teaching it) ever since.

Seeding is all about “planting a seed” in a person’s mind about a cool event that is happening, venue to check out, a new restaurant, a new band or a concert. The key is to bring it up in the conversation without inviting her – at least initially. It’s really a simple changeup in the pattern of how we normally try to set up meetings and dates that makes all the difference.

Now, before I get into the meat of it, I want to explain something: I’m going to teach you the proper way to seed a date, but it’s going to take some time to work all the kinks out of your ability to perform this technique. However, if you can just remember this one lesson you’re pretty much doing it right.

There is one big mistake that most men make. The result is that she either won’t give out her number or if she volunteers her digits she won’t answer the phone or she won’t show up to the date.

The Solution: Set up the date and then get the number. Don’t try and get her phone number and then set up the date, like every other guy.

That’s it. Why is this a better strategy? Because if you set up the date first then she has a reason to give you her number. In addition, setting up the date before asking for her phone number lets you know if this woman is interested in meeting up; if she is not interested she’ll ignore the request or simply say she is busy, in which case you have to go back to building attraction and value.

That all said, here are the finer details:

The Seven Steps to Seeding a Date

1. Field research: Find a few places you’d enjoy taking a date:

This happens before you go out to meet women. After all, if you want to take a woman on a date, you should know a cool place to check out with her. The more you know about what’s happening in your city –from art festivals to cooking classes or wine tastings – the more social, hip and worldly you will appear. Do your research, then get out there and explore.

Exploration can be its own fun adventure. Bring friends; the side effect is that if you were the kind of person that didn’t get out much, your friends will begin to see you also in a new light. The places can be anywhere from a cocktail lounge to a park that you think you’d enjoy visiting.

In the end, what’s going to matter is that the place has special meaning to you. In other words, it has to reflect some part of your identity. After a night of exploration, ask yourself a few questions:

• What did I like about the place I visited?
• Are there any stories I can tell about the place itself?
• Was there anything about the place that triggered a memory or sparked an idea?

The answers to these questions will help you when you start recommending locations and setting up dates.

2. Plant the Seed by Recommending a Location:

Once you’ve met a woman you’re interested in going out with, give them a recommendation to one of the places you’d like, but here’s the catch: Don’t invite her to go there with you. All I want you to do is recommend the place, and I want you to do it early on in the conversation. Make sure you really sell it: 

1. Tell her what’s special about this venue, and 
2. What the place means to you, what you love about it, and why she needs to check it out.

3. Wait to Invite:

After you recommend the place, just keep talking. Tell stories, be entertaining, flirt, tease – just keep the conversation going.

4. Invite Her:

So, you’ve recommended a great place without inviting her. Then you kept the conversation going, being as conversationally attractive as you could. If she’s giving you signs of comfort and interest, it’s time to invite her out. The key to setting up the date is to be specific: pick a date and place. Say something like this, “Hey, this Thursday I’m headed over to that [fill in the blanks with what you had recommended earlier] I was telling you about, you should come along. I think you’d really enjoy it.”

5. Agree or Disagree:

At this point, she’s going to do one of three things:

a. She can reject your proposal by saying something like, “I’m busy” or “I’m working that night”. If this happens, then she’s not into you, and you’re going to have to go back and work on being more conversationally attractive.

b. She’ll accept by saying something like, “Sure” or “Yeah, that sounds great”. If this happens, move on to step 6.

c. She’ll reschedule by saying something like, “I’m working that night, but I’m free Friday.” This is a good thing – people will go out of their way to hang out with people they’re interested in, and you’ve just proven to yourself that you’re interesting to her. The only problem that pops up here is that she might pick a day that you’re not free. Don’t worry about it; just work it out to find a day that you’re both available.

6. Exchanging Numbers:

Now that she’s agreed to go on a date with you, and you have the date and place picked say, “Great, lets exchange information, and I’ll text you the night before with the details.” Give her your number and get hers.

7. Stick Around:

Once she gives you her number, don’t just leave. You don’t want it to feel like the whole reason you were there was to get her phone number. Hang out, keep the conversation going, leave when it comes to a natural end, and contact her like you said you would in the previous step.

8. Text her when you said you would

The next step is pretty simple. If you were going to text her the night before your planned date with the details then, do exactly that.

The text should be simple, it should have the address and the information about how you’re getting there. For example:

• “Tomorrow night, here’s the address: [name of place, address]. I’ll meet you there around at 8pm.”
• “Tomorrow afternoon, here’s the address: [name of place, address]. We’ll meet at my place and carpool over.”
• “Tomorrow afternoon, here’s the address: [name of place, address]. The closest subway stop is West 4th street.”

And that’s it!

The goal at first should be to always try and set up the date before going for the number. Pay attention to how she reacts when you ask her to join you. If she’s not showing much interest, then you most likely have to work on building attraction.

Learning to seed a date is the most important technique I’ve ever learned for getting a phone number. I promise you that if you start using it you’ll start to see changes in your ability to get solid dates with women you’re interested in. In the next chapters, we’ll dive into what to do when you are on the date and beyond.

Good luck.