What Are Courting Gender Signals?

The most obvious gesture for a woman is the lifted hand that pushes back the hair from the face or rearranges it above the ears. It’s a flirtatious gesture, and it spells femininity.

The equivalent in the man is the unconscious adjustment of the tie. Watch a man who has just been introduced to an attractive woman. Within the first five minutes, you can often count three or four preening gestures (another name for courting gestures): touching the tie or the jacket lapels, straightening the creases in the pants.

Touching the lips with the tongue is often a courting gesture for women, and their eyes come into play fairly often with long looks and side glances. Another courting gesture common to both men and women is to fondle something—a glass, a keychain, an ashtray—or to “caress” your own body.

Often courting signals are unconscious, and it’s only the knowledgeable third-party observer who can understand what is going on. In this stylized, unconscious courting, women may reveal their thighs by crossing their legs, or if they’re standing, put one hand on their hip and tilt their body.

But while most often these gestures are used to signify an interest in the other sex, in many cases the same gesture may be used to discharge anxiety. We must always examine the context of the gesture.