When Someone is Finished Talking and The Other Should Start

In conversation, we signal each other with many small gestures called markers. These tell us when someone is finished talking and when the other should start. In this way, a conversation proceeds normally. Your friend’s perception of body language signals and markers seems to be out of synch.

When we ask a question, for example, our head lifts at the end of the sentence, or we may raise our hand or the pitch of our voice. If we want to signal that we intend to keep on talking, we keep our head, hand, or voice level. When we answer a question, we lower our head at the end of the answer.

If we forget these signals, or deliberately don’t use them, or don’t know how to use them, the conversation is often awkward. When one partner takes too long to respond, ignoring our signal to start, we may interpret his hesitance as withdrawal or rejection. This may be what is happening between you and your friend. Take a good look at his head and hand movements next time you talk, and try to read the body language signals he’s sending you.