Why I am Not Responding With The Right Body Signals?

What she was probably referring to, in your case, was a lack of feedback. For example, in any conversation between two people, there is a lot of head nodding back and forth. The nodding serves a number of purposes. The most obvious is the agreement. Jim and Sarah are talking; Sarah says something Jim agrees with, and he nods. Assured that she is reaching Jim, Sarah continues in the same vein. The nod on Jim’s part has sent the message, “You’re right. Keep talking. I want to hear more.”

If Jim stops nodding, he signals that he doesn’t accept what Sarah says, or that he’s not really interested. Sarah, failing to get the feedback of the nod, changes the conversation— or just turns off to Jim.

Not everyone nods to the same degree, but when you speak to someone who doesn’t nod or react at all, no matter what you say, then you’re put off stride and eventually if there’s nobody feedback of any kind, you know you’re just not reaching him. In that case, most people give up and lose interest in the conversation.

If this is your problem—and you can decide if it is by some careful observation of yourself and a few heart-to-heart talks with friends—then you can try to solve it by making yourself nod, from time to time, if you agree with the person who’s talking. Watch how others do this to get the right rhythm and intensity. The feedback generated by your nods will encourage your partner to go on talking.

The nodding needn’t be overdone to the point of making you seem like a “yes” man, but it should be done just enough to give a sense of security to the other person.

This same feedback operates in public speaking. When you address an audience, you watch for the nods of an agreement; they signal that you’re on the right track and you can proceed with what you’re saying. Nothing is more devastating than addressing a dead audience with no feedback. To avoid this, if you feel too little feedback, too little response, search out one person who agrees with you and nods to tell you so and make eye contact with him. The reassurance you get will help you with your delivery.

It’s the acute awareness of feedback and the ability to zero in on the subject that causes it that makes a good public speaker.