My Impotent Husband Don't Touch Me
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- I am in my early sixties and my husband is five years older. We’ve been married for thirty-five years, and it’s been a very good marriage in all ways, but lately, we’ve had a very unhappy sexual problem. My husband has been impotent. Since it happened, I’ve noticed that he’s been reluctant to touch me. Now I avoid touching him because I’m afraid to upset him. We used to be very loving, hugging and kissing each other even when sex was not involved. How can I get back to that loving state without threatening my husband?
Many men, as they grow older, experience periods of impotence. If these are treated as no more than a temporary obstacle to sex, they will usually resolve themselves, and the ability to have sex will return. But often the impotence becomes a psychological block to any
further sex. Because he is afraid of failure, the man stops trying, and this seems to be what has happened to your husband.
Dr. Harold Lief, director of the Marriage Council of Philadelphia, cites a very similar case in which a couple, refraining from any physical contact because they feared it would arouse sexual desires that could not be satisfied, were told that touching and hugging in themselves could be satisfying and acceptable expressions of love.
They were taught how to exchange affection without the demands of sex, and they were startled to discover how much they enjoyed the touching and caressing, the tactile expressions of love.
In discussing what happened, Dr. Lief said, “The strange thing is that when they started to do this, back came the husband’s capacity for erection!”
In the great majority of cases, Dr. Lief stresses, the impotence of age is psychological. The treatment is usually to stop the demand for sexual performance and let the couple rediscover their bodies while they communicate with each other through body language—without
anxiety.
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