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The Body Language of Sex

My husband and I are in our late fifties, and, while we’ve always had a good sex life, recently my husband seems less interested in sex—which I suppose is very natural at our age. But at the same time, he wants me to touch him more, to stimulate him more. What does this mean?

My girlfriend says women are equal to men in every way, but obviously, their bodies are different. Is their body language different, too?

I’ve heard the term gender signal used before, but I’ve never understood what it means. For that matter, what are the gender signals?

What are some other courting gender signals?

Our little baby is only a few months old, but she acts like a regular flirt with my husband. He claims her gestures and flirting are inherently “female.” Could this be so? At what age do boys and girls begin to use different body language?

I am in my early sixties and my husband is five years older. We’ve been married for thirty-five years, and it’s been a very good marriage in all ways, but lately, we’ve had a very unhappy sexual problem. My husband has been impotent. Since it happened, I’ve noticed that he’s been reluctant to touch me. Now I avoid touching him because I’m afraid to upset him. We used to be very loving, hugging and kissing each other even when sex was not involved. How can I get back to that loving state without threatening my husband?

Whenever my girlfriend and I have sex, I end up with a back full of scratches, and a few very obvious bites around the shoulders. Is biting and scratching a normal part of the body language of sex? What does it mean?

My wife always talks me into taking the kids along when we go for a walk. I feel that they cramp our style, but she claims they help us communicate even if we don’t speak. How could this be? Can children affect body language?

I’ve been dating a girl for three weeks, and I feel like I’m getting ambivalent signals from her. Are there any body language signals that will tell me for sure how she really feels about me?

I met a wonderful girl at a party about a month ago, and we’ve been going around together ever since. The only problem is, she doesn’t seem to realize that I’m interested in her sexually. How can I use body language to let her know that I want to go to bed with her? I’m just too inhibited to blurt it out!

I’ve been having an affair with a man I love very deeply, but he always wants to begin intercourse too soon, while I still want more foreplay. How can I let him know what I want?

I was at a friend’s house recently when I met this really far-out girl. I could tell she was turned on to me because she moved closer to me on the couch, but her date was sitting on her other side. Was there any way I could have let her know I liked her without annoying her date? He’s a football player!

I have a boyfriend I like very much, but he drives me up a wall when I speak to him. Sometimes he’s just fine, but there are other times when I get confused. I interrupt him while he’s still speaking, or I wait for him to continue when he’s finished. Often there’ll be long pauses before he answers me, and I feel as if I’ve lost him. What’s going on?

I know that body language is different in different cultures, but it seems to me that there must be some signals that cut across every land. When I was in France recently I was able to pick up people my own age by using the same flirting technique I had learned in the States, a sideways glance and a smile. If things are so different in different lands, why did this work so well?

I spent an entire evening last week sitting in the living room with my boyfriend and kissing—just that, kissing! We both enjoyed it so much that afterward, I began to wonder why do people enjoy kissing so? Is it the body language in the act? And what does it say? How did it start?

I’m twenty-four years old, and one of my problems is getting along with people in a conversation. I’ll meet a guy or a gal and get to rapping with them, and then, for some reason or other, I seem to lose them. I don’t think it’s because I’m any more boring than the next guy, but one girl told me I wasn’t responding with the right body signals. What are the signals?

I’m gay, and I live in a small town in the Midwest. I can usually meet other gay men when I go to one of the big cities. Their body language is pretty obvious. But I have a feeling there are a lot of men like me in my own hometown. Are there body language signals that gay men send out to each other that I could learn to recognize?

My husband and I had some friends in, to dinner last week, and after they left we got into one of our ongoing hassles. It happens every time we entertain. I feel that he doesn’t respond to all the little signals people send out, and he claims I’m just imagining such signals where there aren’t any. Eventually, our argument boils down to who’s more sensitive at reading body language, men or women. Have you an answer to that?

I’ve noticed that when my boyfriend and I are having a rap session, he seems to blink much more than usual. Does this mean he doesn’t agree with me?

I’m fifteen years old, and I have this boyfriend I like very much. My problem is, I can talk to him over the phone for hours, but when we get together I always feel awkward and uncomfortable, and it’s very hard to say anything. If body language is such a big part of communication, why isn’t it easier for us to talk when we see each other? I don’t feel this way with my girlfriend. We can talk to each other over the phone or in person.

I’ve noticed that when I argue with my boyfriend and I begin to win the argument, he will often put the fingers of his right hand to his left cheek while his thumb touches his right cheek. What is he saying to me with this gesture?

I was walking down the street of a European city a few months ago, and I noticed a very pretty girl window shopping. I pretended to be interested in a nearby store window, and we began to send out signals to each other. Then she started to lick her lips, and for some reason, this bothered me, so much that I turned and walked away. Afterward I wasn’t sure about what I felt. I don’t know if I was more bothered or excited by what she did. What does it mean?

I like a girl I go to school with, but I’m too shy to tell her how much she means to me. I’ve heard that you can tell someone whether or not you like them with your eyes alone. Is this true, and, if it is, how can I do it?

One of the girls in our crowd really knows how to flirt without even saying a word. I’ve been trying to figure out how she does it, and I’ve discovered that she moves her eyes a lot when she blinks. What exactly does that signal to the guys?

Sometimes, when I walk into a room at a party, I’ll see a girl who looks interesting, and for some reason or other a conversation starts right away. At other times, there’s just awkward silence, and I get the feeling that she doesn’t want to talk at all. But how can I sense this? Is it her body language?

I’m very much in love with Al, but I find that he has this one habit that bugs me. When we have sex, Al reaches for a cigarette immediately afterward. I haven’t said anything about it to him yet, but I’m beginning to simmer. What does it mean?

I’m very much in love with a girl I want to marry, but there’s something about her sexual response that bothers me. She claims she enjoys making love as much as I do, but she always lies motionless during sex. There’s just no body-language communication, and I wonder if that in itself is telling me something.

Bill and I have only been married a year, but the two of us just aren’t able to talk about sex. It’s not that we’re shy with each other physically—it’s just difficult for us to discuss what we do. Still, I enjoy sex with Bill so much that I’d like him to know it. Is there some way I can tell him this in body language? How can I signal that I enjoy the way he makes love, or that I want intercourse again?

I am nineteen years old and I have this awful problem. I seem to always turn men on, no matter what I do. Even when I get mad at a guy and try to show him how angry I am, unless I tell him outright he usually thinks I’m kidding and that I really want him to make love to me! What do you think is wrong? Is my body language unclear?

Annie is one hell of a girl and, when we’re out with a bunch of friends, she’s a real turn-on. But whenever I get Annie alone in my apartment, she sits on the sofa with her arms folded across her chest. What is she trying to tell me?

My girl and I get along beautifully. We both like the same things, and we have fun together. Sex is great, too, but we have this one crazy problem. After she’s reached a climax, she wants me to hold her. I don’t understand this, because the sexual climax leaves me satiated. I want to lean back and relax or turn over and go to sleep. Does the fact that she wants to stay in my arms mean that she isn’t satisfied with my lovemaking?

When I was in high school, I used to wonder about the different ways that boys and girls carried their school books. Girls almost always clasped the books to their breasts with one or two arms while boys tended to carry their books at their side. They’d swing them in their fingers or cradle them by the arm or forearm. Why is this?

I was at a social evening a while back, and I was sitting on the couch with a woman I like very much. We were really into a heavy discussion when a friend came over and said, “You two are a perfect loving circle.” He wouldn’t tell us what he meant, but the phrase stuck with me. What does it mean?

A year ago Charlie and I joined a young-married-couples group at our church. Many of them, like ourselves, were newlyweds. After spending an evening at the first meeting, I came away very disturbed. I told Charlie I was bothered by what went on between many of the couples. Although I couldn’t put my finger on anything specific that was said and done, I told Charlie that I didn’t think some of the couples belonged together. Time has proved me right. At least three of the couples I wondered about have split up. How did I know? Was it body language?

Fred is a constant cigar smoker, and when I see him talking with a woman at a cocktail party, it seems to me that the way he handles his cigar should give me some clue to how he feels about her.

My wife and I were at a party the other day, and I was sitting and talking to one of the women for a while. Afterward, my wife said, “You really like her, don’t you?” And I was surprised because I couldn’t figure out how she knew. When I asked her, she just looked puzzled and said, “I don’t know why, but I can always tell if you like a person by the way you sit when you’re with them.” What body language signals tell her how I feel?

My girlfriend and I were out walking the other day in real muggy kind of weather, and she accused me of being very cold. She didn’t mean I felt cold, she said, but that I wasn’t smiling as much as I usually do. Also, I was very uptight. Can the weather affect my body language?

We had an old college girlfriend of mine to dinner the other night, and when she left my husband said, “That lady’s available!” I was very shocked, and I asked him how he knew. “By the way she was sitting with her legs open” was his answer. Is this true?

My girlfriend always seems to be sending me a message in the way she crosses her legs, but I must be body language- blind because I just can’t read it. Is there really a language of the legs?

I was in Italy recently, and I visited a number of churches. In Ravenna, while I was examining a mosaic of St. Luke, I was surprised to find that he had one hand raised in a gesture that I know Italians use to mean a wife has been cheating on a husband. What significance can this gesture have in a religious picture?

Last week I brought Sandra home to meet my folks. Sandra and Mom hit it off well, but both of them have this thing in common—fat! Mom is twice the weight she should be, and Sandra is coming along fast.
Afterward, Mom kept at me about how great Sandra is, always smiling. When I made some crack about her weight, Mom laughed it off and said, “Well, you’ll be happy with her. Fat people are jolly by nature.” Now I’m not so sure that Sandra is all that jolly. Do fat people really smile more and are they happier?

I’m twenty-two years old, just average in looks, and a little overweight, but I always seem to have more boys around than I can handle. My father says it’s because I have sexy blue eyes—but I haven’t, really! I’ve looked at my eyes in a mirror and in my photos, and all I can see that’s different are large pupils. Could this be sexy?

My Aunt Grace used to be on the stage, and she always played very sexy parts. The thing is, now she’s over seventy years old and you’d never know it. When I kid her about it, she just grins and says it’s all in her body. How can she use her body language to make herself look younger?

My wife has very large eyes, and we’ve both heard that this is a sign of an overemotional person. She’s really troubled by this label because she feels that she’s pretty level-headed. I know she is, but is there any truth in the saying?

Usually, Selma is a very ordinary-looking woman, but I’ve known her for years, and I’ve lived through her love affairs with her. I know for a fact that she actually looks prettier when she’s in love. How is this possible?

My uncle and aunt are a very close couple. They are always together, and when you ask one a question, the other can, as likely as not, answer. They think that much alike. But what’s really far out is that every day my uncle seems to look a little more like my aunt! I’ve been wondering: Do people who live together really get to look like each other?

Last week I just about decided that I had had it with this city. It’s not the crowds—I can take them—but it’s the touching in the crowds! I’m not any prettier than the next woman, but it seems to me that whenever I’m out on a bus or shopping the men are always touching me. What gives them the right to do this?

I was watching a football game recently, and I noticed that after a successful play by one man, a teammate ran up and patted his rear end. I don’t watch football often, and the gesture shocked me. It seemed so—well, sexual. I began to wonder about those two men. But when I mentioned it to my husband, he just laughed at me and said it goes on all the time in football and doesn’t mean a thing. Is this true?

My husband and I have certain friends, a couple we’ve known for years and years and like very much.
Recently they’ve suggested that all four of us go off together on a cruise. I’d like to, but the problem is the husband, Bob. He just can’t keep his hands off me. He’s a terrible toucher. Of course, it’s not only me—he seems to touch everyone at parties and social evenings, even when his wife is around. What is he trying to tell us with all this contact?

All the other girls at my school are beginning to go braless, and I think they’re right. I’m so much more comfortable without one. But I tried it last week, and my boyfriend, Leo, blew his stack. He claims this is a signal that I’m available. I think he’s out of his tree! Do you agree?

Yesterday my husband and I went to an important civic dinner. I fell apart because I had nothing to wear, and before the evening was over I had a knock-down, drag-out fight with my husband. He claims I’m all hung up on what other women think of my clothes, and afterward I began to wonder just who I was dressing for.
Do women dress for themselves, for other women, or for men?

I’ve always enjoyed spending my vacations at a nudist colony, and recently I convinced my girlfriend that she should go with me. She didn’t enjoy it at all, and one of the reasons she gave was “I’m just not used to nude body language!” Is there such a thing? Are there any special body language rules for nudists?

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