The First Kiss and the "Romantic Window" Technique

In romantic encounters, going for the kiss is a big moment. Most guys feel like it’s the riskiest move next to actually making the approach because they don’t know if she is ready to be kissed. You’re putting yourself on the line hoping that you’ve done everything right up to this moment. How do you make sure your potential partner is going to want to kiss you back?

The “Go for it” Checklist:

Start with finding a location where you both feel comfortable. This is tricky because depending on who you’re with it could be anywhere. The best thing to do is look at what’s happened so far, and decide where the woman you’re with might be comfortable. Try not to be in a bottlenecked portion of a bar, where lots of people are pushing through. Find somewhere comfortable for the two of you.

Next, if you’re going for the kiss, run through this checklist in your head:

1. Did your potential partner show interest in you?

• • If no, then keep working on building value until you receive an indication that they’re interested.

2. Did you remember to compliment her about something once she showed interest?

• • If no, then find something to compliment her on – refer to the chapter on a connection.

3. Are you somewhere comfortable?

• • If no, then find a place. You may have to change venues to do this.

If you answered yes to the above questions, then there’s a good chance that going for the kiss will work out for the two of you. Go for it, but in the right way.

Heightening the Moment and Dissolving Kiss Anxiety

Every relationship is a story, and every story has its high points and its low points. 

The first kiss should be one of the major high points of your seductive story. When you go for the kiss, try saying or doing something that will heighten the moment.

At the last attraction and seduction boot camp I taught in DC, we had a student who approached a girl he was interested in and within a twenty-minute period, he was making out with her on the dance floor. I asked him what it was that let him know it was time to go for the kiss, and he told us that the most important moment was right before the kiss. He said something to her while they were dancing. He said, “You’re an amazing person. I have to do this or I’ll feel stupid for not trying.” Then he went for the kiss.

What I loved about this was that he could have just gone for it. The words he said were not what made her want to kiss him. He had made himself attractive by being a great conversationalist, by providing value, and helping her to have a great time. The words he said helped make the moment more memorable – something both of them will remember. It’s more than a kiss; it’s a moment of romance.

In addition, saying those words meant he couldn’t turn back. Once he said them, he had to go for the kiss; they helped him get over a moment of anxiety that normally would have held him back. Going for the kiss is a risk, it’s going to show you exactly how seductive you think you are, this frightens a lot of guys; frightens them so much, that they never go for the kiss, and they fail to experience what could have been.

Kiss-Amplification-Technique: The technique is pretty simple but extremely effective: Before you’re going to go for the kiss – say something bold. Make it romantic and exciting, even sexual. It will help give you the confidence to go for the kiss and will hopefully create a memorable and romantic moment for the two of you.

The “Romantic Window” Technique

This technique will take your seduction from platonic to romantic. It will lower your anxiety and it will spice up your seductions with romance.

I want to teach you today how to create a moment that she can brag about to her friends – something romantic that shows her how awesome she is and proves to her how awesome you are.

Step 1. Seeding for the Kiss

Seeding is a technique where a specific topic/venue is brought up but not acted upon until a later part in the conversation. The reason we seed is to introduce an idea before asking them to act on it, so that later when we ask them to act on it, they have actually thought about it and want to move forward with it (or not – then you have to back off).

For example, you can seed a date by bringing up a venue that you’d be interested in visiting with your potential date. You tell a story about the place while you’re building attraction, but don’t invite her. Then you continue on with your seduction. When you feel like she’s attracted and you’re ready to ask her out, you bring that place up again and ask her if she’d like to accompany you.

You can seed a personality exercise like “The Cube”, which is generally done in isolation, by using the skydiving or the ring finger routine early in the interaction and motioning that there’s another routine that’s much more in-depth and serious, but you’d need a quieter place to play. Then once you feel like it’s appropriate timing to isolate you say, “the couch opened up, let’s sit down and I’ll show you that psychology exercise I mentioned before.”

IMPORTANT: For this technique, the seed will happen after we’ve built attraction when we’re showing her interest (the connect phase).

Step 2. How to Qualify Properly

For starters, look for three non-physical traits that you actually like about the girl you’re interested in. After you’ve built attraction through Identity Storytelling, Demonstrations of Value, and Disqualification and have received the appropriate amount of Indicators of Interest – it’s time to let her know that you appreciate these three qualities. This requires:

1. 1. That you name the quality. Example: “You know, I really appreciate how adventurous you are.”
   2. That you tell them why the quality is important to you personally. Example: “I try to live life like I’m in a storybook – taking chances and doing the unexpected. Meeting someone with a similar quality is a breath of fresh air.”
   3. You end the qualifier with a specific ending. Example: “I really appreciate that. Thanks for being awesome.”

Tips: These are not done in rapid-fire succession. They are done throughout the seduction, but more regularly before the first kiss and always after you’ve built some attraction. In addition to non-physical qualities, you can also hint at something they aspire to be or aspire to obtain in the future, or in some sort of untapped potential you see in them. Sometimes you can choose a physical quality, but it has to be unique and be supported by a very specific identity story.

Step 3. The ABC of the “First Kiss”

a) A great kiss generally needs a conducive environment. This could be anywhere and generally, depends on the seduction. Yeah, sure, sometimes a great kiss can happen in the middle of a mosh pit. But here are a few common areas for those of you who are still learning the basics:

• • On a couch alone with her.
  • On a couch or chair with other people, if she’s showing an exceptional amount of interest – leaning or sitting on you.
  • At a table together when you’re next to each other.
  • At your place, her place or a private room somewhere.

b) Choose one of the three qualities you liked about her and told her about using the previous seeding method.

c) Let her quality be the attractor.

Example: “That adventurous nature of yours is way too attractive. Don’t you think that if we don’t kiss right now we’re going to be missing out on one of the biggest parts of this story?” Pause, look into her eyes and wait for her to say ‘yes’, lean in to kiss you, or just pull you closer.

Once again, pause, and gauge her response. Your job is to make her want to kiss you. And if she wants to, she will let you know. The key mistake guys make is rushing to the finish line. The kind of seduction that will drive a woman wild with desire is when she wants something but doesn’t have it yet. So be the prize, and play with this physical tension rather than being in a rush to resolve it.

What happens if I time everything wrong and she’s not interested in kissing me?

Imagine you’ve met a woman you’re attracted to, and you’ve followed the step-by-step seductive method: You start a conversation with an opinion opener (like the Drunk-I-Love-You Opener), then you build value with some active disinterest and a few identity stories. She gives you some indicators that she’s interested, so you let her know you’re interested too. Now you need to close. So you decide to go in for a kiss, but there’s a problem. As you lean in for the kiss, she turns her head… and you feel rejected.

What to do now that you’ve missed the kiss, and ended up with a mouthful of cheek?

In this case, it’s not about what you should do; rather, it’s about what you shouldn’t do:

• Don’t say something cheesy like, “Well, I didn’t say you could kiss me.” She just denied you a kiss; don’t you think she knows you wanted to kiss her?
• Don’t completely change your attitude. Imagine how that looks to her. What do you think she assumes about someone who starts acting mopey or awkward because they didn’t get to make-out?
• Don’t give up on her. Just take a step back and realize you probably misread an indicator of interest or didn’t build enough value. It’s an indicator that not enough attraction or comfort was built. Ask yourself:
  • o What steps can you take to build more attraction?
  • o What can you do to make her more comfortable?
• Do not get angry. A failed seduction is not her fault; it’s yours. Getting angry only will make you look desperate, horny or frustrated. You’re not entitled to any form or romantic or sexual reciprocation, no one is.

How to Invite a Woman to Your Home

Bringing a woman back to your place in a way that she feels comfortable and intrigued is very similar to inviting her on a date – you use the seeding technique described previously. Here’s a simple method for using seeding to make the move back to your place:

1. Seed your home, just like you’d seed a date. During conversation, bring up an activity or an object that you’d need to go home to participate in or see. Tell her about it, but don’t invite her back. Do this early on in the date.
2. When you’re going to leave the final venue, say: “I want to show you that [activity or object]. Let’s swing by and check it out.”
3. Then add a time constraint, “You can only come over for a few minutes. I have to be up for work in the morning.”
4. Possible outcomes:

• • If she says, yes. Well done!
  • If she says, no or ignores the suggestion, then you need to work on building more value or attraction. Don’t beg her to come back or complain when she doesn’t want to – it will make you look impatient and desperate. Try setting up another date.
  • If she seems like she wants to come back, but really does have some obligation in the morning, drop the idea of bringing her home that night, and set up another date.

And no matter how the rest of your encounter goes – remember, it takes time to learn. You’re going to make experience what feels like failures, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Just make sure that you keep practicing. Eventually, you’ll learn to read all the signs and get over these hurdles. Everyone I know who’s put in the time and had the tenacity to push themselves when things go poorly have found success.