The Bridging Technique: Keep Talking!

You might think that the biggest problem I’ve run into as a seduction coach was getting guys to approach intimidating beautiful women, but you’d be wrong. The biggest problem, by far, was getting guys to not run away after a few minutes talking to a group of strangers.

Most of the time, a student would walk up, open, get the conversation going, get nervous, and eject from the group. When I’d ask why the student left, the answer would invariably be, “I couldn’t think of anything else to say.”

Here’s the thing: you do have something to say. In fact, you have lots of things to say. You’re just freezing up because you are likely worried about judgment from the group. Or you are overthinking the group’s opinion of you.

The first piece of advice: Don’t panic. This happens to most students and there’s a way to fix it. It’s called “bridging.”

Bridge: The all-purpose conversational linking technique.

A bridge can be any question or any observation.

A bridge is a way to propel a conversation forward and steer it in the direction you want it to go. The first bridge generally happens right after the opener; you ask a question or make an observation. The question or observation should lead to a value-building routine or story.

This technique was developed when a fellow coach and I were discussing the “I have nothing to say” phenomenon, which consistently plagues our students. At the time, we didn’t teach a technique for strategically evolving a conversation on the spot. We sat down and thought about what drives interaction forwards. We noticed two things:

1. 1. People would make contextual observations, or
   2. People ask questions seemingly out of nowhere.

Here are a few examples:

“So, how’s work?”
“How’s your wife doing?”
“You remind me of this teacher I had.”
“I love the music here.”
“How do you all know each other?”
“I love your necklace.”

Everyone, in every conversation we observed, used questions and observations to propel the conversation forward. Stack enough of questions and observations together and you can easily extend the length of a conversation, ad infinitum. And when we extracted this pattern, we knew immediately that this was our answer.

However, as seducers, we want to be a little more strategic. Can we use bridging to not only propel the conversation forward but also to steer it where we wanted it to go? Absolutely.

Let’s say you want to talk about music: You can make an observation about the music in the room.

Let’s say you want to talk about work: You could ask where someone works.

Let’s say you want to talk about travel: You could ask, “Do you do much traveling?”

To look at it another way: You could ask the question, “How do you all know each other?”

There are only a few answers to the question:

“We work together.”
“We’re related.”
“We’re in a romantic relationship.”
“We’re roommates.”
“We go to school together.”
“We’re friends.”

Knowing this ahead of time – I suggest having a story ready about work, a sibling (or lack thereof), a romantic relationship, a roommate, school, and a close friend. This way no matter what answer you get, you’re a step ahead and ready to move things forward.

For right now, it’s important to see that a bridge can steer the conversation. Later on, we’ll discuss how to bridge into an identity story or a knowledge-based identity story. The better you get at asking questions and making observations, the easier it will be to find places for your stories in your seductions. You can find more information on Bridging, The Ring Finger Routine, The Best Friends Test, and Identity Storytelling, by following the instructions at the end of this chapter.

Tips for bridging:

• • Keep the bridges non-physical when you’re first learning this skill. Observations about body language are great, but one’s about her attractiveness will come off as hitting on her. Don’t do that.
  • One of the best bridges to use after the opener is: “How do you all know each other?” It gives you valuable information about the dynamics of the group you’re speaking with.
  • Bridges are used throughout an interaction, not just after the opener. Anytime you need to move the conversation forward or steer it, a bridge can be applied.
  • Bridges are great for leading to conversations where you can express who you are to the other person. If you are a musician and want to talk about music, make an observation about the music in the venue. If you love your job and want to talk about a work-related story ask, “Do you all work together?” Get their answers and tell your story.
  • For guys who feel like they always run out of stuff to say, try using a bridge when you hit that mental block. Make an observation or ask any question, then see where the conversation goes.