The Most Powerful Way to Connect With a Woman

Have you ever received a compliment that really hit you hard, something that made you excited, something that you really appreciated hearing? That’s the kind of compliment we want to learn to give – a compliment that is authentic, moving and specific.

This step – of giving compliments – is just as necessary as the previous step of using active disinterest. The two, active disinterest and active interest (compliments), balance each other out, creating negative and positive emotional spikes. They help move the story that is your seduction forward. They give it energy.

In any romantic experience, the active disinterest has to outweigh the active interest, until the woman shows interest in you. Once you’re sure she is interested in you, then it’s time to flip the scale: active interest should then outweigh active disinterest.

The Three Connection Pitfalls

Forgetting to compliment

One pitfall many men run into when they’re trying to learn to master the art of attraction and seduction is forgetting to compliment the woman. Forgetting to compliment a woman once she is interested in you can make you seem uninterested, and sometimes a little cold. It can also make you seem like you’re only into her for her looks.

Complimenting too early

As I’ve mentioned a number of times in this Guide: seduction is about timing, not speed. Guys often rush to compliment a woman when they’re attempting a seduction. They’ll approach saying something like, “I saw you from across the room and thought you were beautiful, I would have been kicking myself all day if I didn’t come over and say ‘hello.’”

It sounds smooth, but is it effective?

Not likely. Here’s the deal: You have to have interest before you show interest. Most guys don’t have interest when they approach. The guys that do are either: 

1. Very physically attractive to the woman they’re approaching. 

2. Known by the woman for some sort of attractive reputation.

If you know one of these two things are true, then you have value and can approach with a compliment. That said, you don’t lose anything by approaching with a neutral opener, and taking the time to make sure your assumption is correct, and learn something about her before you compliment her.

A badly timed compliment can come off as needy, desperate and untrue. Many women are used to having guys approach them with compliments, or compliment them before they’re interested. It doesn’t stand out, and it suggests you’re attracted to only what you see, because you haven’t spent the time to get to know them yet – which brings me to the next pitfall…

Meaningless Compliments

Your compliments need to move her. They need to have an emotional effect. A compliment with no emotional effect is pointless. Students of seduction should stay away from compliments based on physical appearance. This is the most common type of compliment women will get. You might be saying, “You have beautiful eyes,” and you might even mean it, the problem is that she’s only hearing, “I want to get you into bed.” This is because, most guys compliment women on their looks before knowing anything about them. It makes the compliments valueless, irritating even. That’s why we’re going to learn to talk, listen, and compliment in an authentic way that creates real connection and has emotional weight.

So, how do you do it the right way?

Here’s how: Give the compliments some depth.

Don’t compliment her on something without reason. Make sure the compliment itself has some specific meaning to you. This makes the compliment more than just surface level; it makes it personal and gives it more of an emotional impact. So, start with a quality you like about them, and let them know what it is.

Examples:

• • I like how adventurous you are…
  • I like how well read you are…
  • I like your sense of style…
  • I like how well travelled you are…

Think about what that quality means to you, and why you like it.

Here’s a simple compliment script you can use to flesh out your compliments:

“I really enjoy how [trait] you are. It’s important to me because [reason]. Whenever I meet someone who is [trait], it’s like a breath of fresh air. Thanks for being awesome.”

In this story traits can be anything from well-traveled, stylish, well-read, intelligent, quick-witted, badass, it’s up to you.

Other Examples:

• • I like how adventurous you are. I try to live my life like a storybook; taking risks and exploring the world, and when I meet someone else who feels the same it’s really exciting for me.
  • I really like your sense of style. To me, fashion is an extension of your identity, when you meet someone with a unique style it says a lot about that person. It’s almost a sign that the conversation is going to be just as interesting. So far, it seems to be true.

Compliment more than once.

Don’t just give one compliment. In fact, once you know that she is attracted and interested in you, sprinkle a few compliments into the conversation. Just remember not to give them all at once.

When I coach bootcamps, I always suggest telling a woman three non-physical things you like about her.

Why non-physical?

Because you are still strangers, and physical compliments often come off as sexual. In addition, pointing out physical features to her will communicate subliminally that you are only looking at her body, which is what most guys do, and I want you to be the exception.

Here’s a game you can play to keep you complimenting successfully:

When you’re in a group with a woman you’re interested in, try to count out three non-physical traits they have that are attractive to you. Then tell her what those qualities are. You only score a point if you can think of a non-physical trait and you let them know you know that it’s a great quality.

The goal is to earn three points. This game will help you pay attention to details when it comes to their stories and mannerisms, and it will remind you to let them know you’re interested.

Practicing Connection

As I said earlier, if you know she’s interested in you before you approach, you could potentially start with a compliment. However, it’s not good to practice this way.

If you approach with a compliment, then you’re assuming she’s either physically attracted to you or knows who you are for some sort of attractive reputation. Don’t assume this when you’re practicing. Always practice as though she’s not physically attracted to you, and doesn’t know who you are. When you’re in a conversation, and you’ll find out for sure – it’ll be a bonus, and the speed of your seduction will increase.