Seductive Psychology, Mindset, and Inner Game

Seduction isn’t about you. It’s about the person you’re seducing. Great seducers can put themselves in the shoes of the people they want to seduce. They can look at themselves from other people’s perspectives, and make strategic judgments about what to do next in a social situation. That’s how Cleopatra was able to seduce Julius Caesar and Mark Antony.

One of the most important skills you’re going to want to get familiar with is to understand what other people think of you.

The Persona Exercise

This is all about seeing the way other people view you. To do this you’re going to want to take notes and collect data. You can do this with anyone you already know. Ask them this one simple question: 

“If you had to describe me to someone who had never met me what would you say about me?” 

Then ask, “What have I done or said that makes you describe me this way?“

Ask as many people as you can these two questions, and try to find out where the commonalities are. If everyone says you’re a nice guy, then you’re probably a nice guy. If everyone says you’re selfish, then you’re selfish. That’s pretty simple but necessary for the next step.

Now that you have this information what can you do with it? Well, the first thing you can do is ask yourself: Is this how I want to come off when I get to know people?

If you’re satisfied with the answer, great! If you’re not, then you have to look deeper, and decide if you want to change these qualities, and how you’re going to change these qualities. Later on, when we get into being interesting and generating value with your life story we can start to mold your identity into a more seductive version of itself.

Each of us is going to have different traits that we want to change; it’s important early on to know what people think of you, so you can work on developing a more seductive identity over time that is authentic and powerful.

Introduction to Story and Routine Stacks

I grew up a huge fan of Kung-Fu movies. When I was a kid I used to watch the characters do their forms and katas on screen and practice in my living room. I thought martial arts were the clear path to superpowers. I had no idea what the purpose of those katas or forms were. I just thought they were awesome looking – I still do. Years later, when I started studying martial arts, in a school rather than my living room, I found out what their purpose was.

In most traditional martial arts schools, katas or forms are collections of choreographed techniques or movements. Each form or kata expresses a number of principles through the techniques inherent in the form. They may include footwork, specific punches or kicks, break-falls, a few even include meditative pieces. Generally, the forms aren’t meant for combat. They’re meant to be practiced repeatedly until you understand the principles on an internal level. They’re one piece of the martial arts puzzle, but by no means everything.

Routine stacks are seduction’s version of katas or forms, with a few slight differences.

A routine stack is a collection of material that’s meant to help you understand the principles of seduction. They consist of one or more techniques for each phase of the seduction. If you’re using a routine stack to practice, then it’s important that:

 You practice saying the material out loud, over and over again before you use it. You want to make sure you know what you’re saying. This way, if the people you’re going to be talking to become confused, you can reiterate what you’re saying more clearly.

 You should memorize the material in order. There is a structure to seduction. Know where your routines fit into the stack and memorize that order.

 You recognize that routine stacks are not your entire seduction, they’re collections of techniques to practice. They can be used to fall back on, but routine stacks can’t be counted on to solve every problem.

 They’re great tools for learning seduction because they can give you something to fall back on. If you don’t know where you are in the seduction, or you can’t think of something to say a routine stack can be a lifesaver, assuming you memorized the material.

When you know where you’re seductions going, it makes the chaos of your initial interactions more clear, which can come off as confidence, as long as you’re not pushy about the material. Now, let me show you the structure of a routine stack. In order to build one, the first thing you must know is the phases of interaction. For us, the phases are: Open, Attract, Connect, Seduce. You should make sure you have routines for all of the following:

 At least one opener, no more than two.
 Demonstrations of Higher Value, Games, Barbets, etc.
 Identity Stories
 A technique for showing Active Disinterest.
 A technique for showing Active Interest.
 The seed for a date
 The seed for a bounce

You will learn how to build your very own stack later in this guide. Once you have chosen your stories and routines, they should all be well memorized and practiced for delivery, body language, tonality, and volume dynamics.

And remember one of Murphy’s Laws of combat: no plan survives first contact with the enemy. Meaning, it’s a routine stack is a stratagem, but it’s not the whole seduction. In the field, things will change. Be prepared maneuver when curveballs are thrown at you.

Conquering Approach Anxiety

Approach anxiety is the negative voice in your head telling you not to approach – it keeps you from walking towards a woman. The result is excuse after excuse for not trying.

Why is Approaching Women so Hard?

Let’s start off with the first part: Why do you have such a hard time approaching women? As with most topics related to seduction, there are as many different answers as there are men in the Game. However, some of the broader reasons that approaching women can be difficult include:

 Personal Experience: We’ve all had experiences approaching women where we felt hurt and humiliated. Unfortunately, our brains are hard-wired to remember these more than the times where things went swimmingly well. These past experiences hold you back from approaching in the future.

 Lack of Experience: Conversely, there’s a lack of experience. You don’t approach women much, so you think it’s a huge deal and that it will inevitably end in disaster. You’ve built things up in your head so much that the fantasy of what might go wrong is preventing you from getting the experience you need to make things go right.

 Lack of Story and Routine Stack: You don’t feel like you have anything good to say, because you haven’t done the homework on your stack. This is one of the easiest things to fix, as it’s just about putting the time in on what you’re going to say. Remember that a lot of Game takes place before you even head out for the night.

 Pedestalization: You see a woman who you are overwhelmingly attracted to and you think you can’t approach her because she’s “out of your league”. Apparently, you haven’t seen Style standing next to his wife. A big part of what we teach you in this guide boils down to this: Looks might matter, but not as much as you think they do, and anyway, you can overcome your “attraction deficit.”

When it comes right down to it, there’s only one answer to approach anxiety: It’s approaching women over and over again, honing your approach so that it becomes better over time. This will not only build a bank of positive experiences, but it will also help alleviate approach anxiety.

Now that we know what underpins your anxiety, let’s talk about a few common problems men encounter when approaching women.

What You’re Doing Wrong When You Approach Women

So what are you doing wrong? That’s what you want to know, right? What can you be doing better so that you can build the types of positive experiences that are going to make approaching women that much easier with every approach?

 You’re Too Serious: Coming up to a woman and being very serious at first is a recipe for disaster. It makes things awkward and tense. Instead, opt for a lighter approach; one that will have her laughing, smiling and wondering who you are and what you’re about.

 You Can’t Handle a Challenge: A lot of guys blow it the second their stack goes off course. She throws a curveball your way and you lose it; That’s not an attractive reaction. Instead of bailing at the first sign of trouble, learn how to weather the storm.

 You’re Too Needy: On the other hand, you might be trying too hard to impress her, either by being entertaining or by trying to demonstrate higher value in incorrect ways or with bad timing. This comes across as needy, and neediness is kryptonite when it comes to seduction.

 You’re Paying for her Time: It’s fine to buy someone a drink or dinner, just make sure you’re not purchasing their time. If that person is sticking around for free stuff, then you’re paying for their time. If they’re sticking around because they’re enjoying their time with you, and you want to buy them something for being awesome – go for it. Also, don’t be a cheapskate, it’s just as bad as paying for someone’s time.

 You’re Not Going Out Enough: Guess what, guys? Going out once a month isn’t going to cut it. Sure, you’ve got a life to lead. But try and head out at least a couple of times a week and practice what you’re learning. I’d argue that having more than a week between the last approach of one night and the first of the next is going to be a huge setback in terms of your comfort level.

 You Make Excuses to Not Approach: There’s always going to be a reason to not approach. However, the more you do it, the better you’re going to get at it. Any time you hear that little voice inside your head telling you why you shouldn’t approach, tell it to shut up and approach immediately.

Having approach anxiety isn’t the difference between a regular man and a confident man. The real difference is that confident men experience this anxiety and push past it.

Here is a thought experiment: Would this fear still exist if you were 100% sure when you approached that the woman would be friendly, want to talk to you, or even be interested in you? In other words, if there were no risk, you’d approach her, wouldn’t you?

Ask yourself: What’s the lasting result of being rejected or embarrassed?

Mostly, just a bad memory; a reminder that you need more practice.

The biggest mistake is being ‘too shy to try’. As Wayne Gretzky said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.“

Your potential gain is significant! The best case is she likes you, you get her number and you go on a date. No matter what, you learn something from talking to her. You apply that knowledge next time. You get better. The risk versus reward for approaching a woman is in your favor. Before you approach, you’ll feel your anxiety, but… this time say to yourself, “It’s no big deal. I can handle this.”

Feel your fear. Recognize it. Put it to the side in your mind and go! You’ve nothing to lose and everything to gain.

One very common question that my students ask me is, “When did your approach anxiety go away?” The true answer is, it never does. It often lessens over time, but it will always be there to a degree. Approach anxiety is totally normal.

The good news is even the shyest guys can alleviate their approach anxiety when they really try. You can too. Everyone can. So, when you’re out there practicing, here are some techniques you can use to make sure the anxiety doesn’t stop you from opening:

Technique 1: “It’s like ripping off a Band-Aid.”

If you think about approach anxiety too much and try pulling it off slowly, you’ll end up making it worse than it has to be. You just have to rip it off; meaning you just have to make the approach.

Note that the first set of the day is always the hardest, just try to power through it. Once you’ve made the first approach, the rest will be easier. You’re stronger than you think.

Remember, the only reason you’re anxious is that you want to talk to those people and you’re worried about what they’ll think of you. Take a risk, and see what happens.

Technique 2: “Micro-stepping”

If powering through doesn’t work, then try slowing down and breaking the approach into small pieces. The micro-stepping technique is a little harder, but it never fails if you stay honest, and focus.

When your anxiety gets so high that it’s paralyzing you, it means that you’ve given your mind and body too difficult a challenge. Try breaking the task down into smaller pieces.

For example, “I’m going to talk to that really attractive woman,” may be way too much for you. So break the approach down into a few very small, very not scary steps.

Start like this: “I’m going to walk in her direction.”

Now that may sound ridiculous like it barely relates to talking to the woman, but that’s the point. You’re using small steps that don’t induce anxiety to help you build momentum. Once you’re moving in her direction, set another goal for yourself, “Once I’m standing near her, I’m going to say, ‘hey, quick question.’” If you can utter those words, you’ve gone past the point of no return. It would be more awkward to leave without asking the question than it would be to ask it and open the group up.

By taking it one small step at a time, you end up in conversation. The anxiety is likely surging through your body at this point, but it didn’t stop you from getting to where you needed to be. Use it. Let it be a little extra energy to give excitement behind the interaction.

What’s great about this exercise is not only how effective it is, but that it works whenever you have to do something that induces anxiety. Try using it when you have to go for a kiss or ask a girl out on a date. Small steps will lead you to success.

The Heroic Mind Shaping Exercise: Confidence Building

Have you ever watched a movie and pictured yourself in the character’s shoes? Imagine if you could take on the frame of one of your favorite heroes. This exercise will allow you to spot the positive traits in others, and help you develop them within yourself.

To do this exercise you need the steps listed below.

1. Write down a list of characters with qualities you would like to incorporate into your frame. For you, that might be James Bond, Alexander the Great, Casanova, or any other person (real or fictional) whom you admire.
2. Choose the character on this list that you can most easily visualize in detail.
3. Choose a form of media that you can best experience this character with. This could be a movie, a history channel presentation, a book, a series of magazine articles, or anything else you feel would be beneficial.
4. Feel free to combine a few forms as well. Do whatever it takes for you to best understand the character to the fullest degree.
5. Pay attention to how this character walks into a room, the micro-expressions on his face, the way he talks and portrays confidence. If there is a specific scene in a movie or book that you believe best portrays this character, watch or read it several times.

Rejection and Transforming Your Critical Seductive Mind

Seduction can be a difficult art to learn because training requires we fail in front of the people we’re interested in getting to know. These rejections can send us spiraling into self-doubt; causing us to quit practicing. We keep hearing criticisms of ourselves like “you suck” over and over. As students we know criticism is important, it helps us get better, but this inner-wingman telling us that we suck – he’s of no use to anyone. Here’s one way you can train yourself to transform him from a bad inner-wingman to a helpful one.

When it comes to practice, don’t accept criticism from yourself that you wouldn’t accept from a good wingman. A good wingman would never tell you that you suck or that you’ll never be good with women, and hopefully you wouldn’t tolerate that kind of worthless criticism. If your wingman told you that you should approach from an angle rather than walking up directly, you’d more than likely take that advice, because it’s helpful. What they’re telling you will make you a better seducer, and that’s the goal.

When it comes to self-criticism, you need to recognize that same difference. Telling yourself that you suck won’t help you, but giving yourself specific advice will. My suggestion is to carry a note card, and every time you tell yourself, “I suck” or “I’ll never get the girl” or “I’m unattractive” you’re going to take out the note card. On it you’re going to write down a helpful tip for yourself; one or more things you can do to improve your seduction. You can be harsh, pointing out your own seductive flaws, but make sure that you’re writing down ideas you can test to fix the problem. The idea here is to train yourself to replace worthless criticisms with helpful ones and quiet down that terrible wingman in your head.